Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Learning How To Live

I want to forget the sad part of my life but when someone around me is sad I will remember my past. Is it good to remember or ignore my sadness?

Thinking about my past makes me sad however I feel the need to re-visit my past so that I am not in denial. If I do that am I not letting go? Am I holding too tight of something I shouldn't have? Or do I enjoy feeling sad?

I question myself all the time about this issue. I don't hate my life but I do dislike my life.

I am living because I am alive not because I enjoyed it. I have nothing to look forward to most days and I am just glad that I pull through each day. I feel tired feeling sad and remembering my past, on the other hand I seem to enjoy thinking about my past...or am I not?

Learning to see things with different perspectives confuse me. I often complicate my analysis when I try to see things from different angles. Why can't I make it simple? Why can't I think simple, live simple and expect nothing?

Fortunately and unfortunately I am who I am.

Perhaps learning to see things with love is the key. I guess I do not do that often...or not at all?

I am feeling sad, lonely and very alone these days.

How can I get out of this misery? When can I get out of this misery?

What I have learned recently from someone is that it all depends on how we see time. Time may seem long if we wanted it to be or we think and feel it is indeed forever. So, if I think my life is meaningless it becomes meaningless? And if I think and feel my life is great I shall feel wonderful? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

How can I feel my life is wonderful when I feel lonely all the time? I could perhaps learn to enjoy my life more I suppose.....

I am still learning how to live.

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